He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
