Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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