I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize