no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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