I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
