White coat. Heels.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
