watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
