all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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