A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
