:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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