woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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