Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
do nipples grow back?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
