I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
