Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
