OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
