My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
