So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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