I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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