Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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