Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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