you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize