i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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