the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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