So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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