I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
