HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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