I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
