There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
