even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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