apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
