remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
