the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
