I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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