so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
