in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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