Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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