He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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