Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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