He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
