the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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