Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
third nipple confirmed
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