he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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