I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize