Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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