I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
