sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize