the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
