you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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