this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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