i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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