if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
