...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
