yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
