sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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