Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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