He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
