Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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