is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
