btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
