that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
