If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
