i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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