Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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