Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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