I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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