i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
