so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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