when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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