I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
