i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
