Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
