I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
