dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
