So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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