so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize