I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
