i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
