I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
