Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
