You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
