They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Shame - the story of my life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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