I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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