You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
