dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
