Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
