why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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