2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
