Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
