I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
even my farts smell like vagina
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
