I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
