I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Jerry, you need to find god
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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