just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
