he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize