the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
