I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
