'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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