I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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