kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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