hell yes lets make some ravioli
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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