In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
