I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
