i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
