Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
