ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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