Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
