I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
