What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
