Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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