I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
