Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
