Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
