I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
