I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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