Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
